Muse

Gee.

Several weeks ago, I actually started writing again.. No, not another report or study for work, but fiction. Trixie Belden fan-fiction. My muse was calling after a long sabbatical. I actually made some progress on Beatrix AND worked on an old story to submit for my initiation into Jix. I spent hours, a couple times staying up late into the night, creating a website to host all the stories I’ve written and I will be writing. I even created this blog. I was ready to roll (apply to join Jix and start sharing stories again) except….

My muse left.

I was so excited about the story I’ve been working on. It has the POTENTIAL to be one of the best I’ve written. AND I really, really want to finish Beatrix. I’ve sat down several times to write and….

Nothing. My brain just won’t work. I sit and stare at the computer screen. I re-read old stories. I re-read what I’ve already written on the story or Beatrix. I say, “Okay. I’m not inspired to work on the story, so I’ll work on Beatrix” (or vice-versa).

Nothing.

The only good thing about this is that I’ve yet to contact anyone at Jix saying I was preparing to submit it all. When I was in school and even now at work I always had difficulty focusing I have pressure like a deadline looming in the IMMEDIATE future. I need a deadline. Mmm…..

I WILL FINISH BEATRIX. Even if I never submit it anywhere for anyone else to read, I must finish that story just to know that I CAN do it. For now, I’ll just hold off applying to Jix.

In real life:

I had a very busy and I think fairly successful work week. Had to attend the County Commissioners Work Session AND regular meeting. I expected to just go and warm a chair, so I was daydreaming at the public meeting. My boss gave a prepared spiel, then the (citizen) Committee Chair said something. THEN the BOC Chair said, “Do you have anything to add, P?” Huh? Duh, me?” I recovered quickly and they approved our request, so I guess it was okay. Don’t know why he thought a worker bee like me should speak… Had had a series of meetings and presentations all week, none were where I could go and warm a chair. I had presentations, etc. Got home Wed night at 9:30 and had to get up at 5:30 yesterday to get to a breakfast meeting on the other side of the County. Got home at 10:00 last night after an evening meeting on the other side of the County.

And I wonder why I’m so tired and the muses won’t visit. THEY’RE probably getting the sleep I need!

Such is the life in an underpaid, overworked government bureaucrat. I don’t know why there is a perception that we are all so worthless. Most (I will admit not all) of the people I’ve worked with over the past 20 years work long, long hours for a fraction of the pay they’d get in the private sector. People say we’re protected from recessions, but the fact is, private business has down-turns and buy-outs. We have elections. New elected board: half or more of the paid staff is replaced….and in many states we serve “at the will” of the officials and are NOT protected by labor laws. AND recessions just take a bit longer to catch up with us. Economist are saying the past recession is over, but we had to make SIGNIFICANT cuts in this year’s budget and are looking at more for next year. Currently we have 4 less staff in our division than we had last summer and we’re looking at more cuts?

BUT I can sleep at night because I know that while what I do often may not be obviously so, I am making my community a better place to live. How does that compare to the guy who is in charge of creating the next odor for scratch and sniff buttons who is making 5 times more than me? Yes, one of the buttons they manufacture is the smell of gas, but get real. How does his work contribute to the future welfare of our community? And what exactly is he doing that justifies that huge salary and all those percs? (I’m picking on that particular industry because I happen to know someone who does just that and makes BIG BIG bucks!)

Maybe we could legislate some kind of bonus to people based on the contribution nade to the future of your community. Imagine how wealthy teachers, police etc would be then?

I’ll close with that thought.