I did it!

I sent my application to Jix.

Gulp.

I sat down with my lunch around 11:30 and pulled up the latest chapter of Beatrix that I’m working on. I sat and stared at it for a few minutes, so I pulled up the lengthy document I’d saved as “JixApplication”. I started reading it and decided what the heck. So I sent it off.

I’ve been working on my website for several weeks. I completed my initiation story and am now confident that I WILL complete Beatrix. So why haven’t I applied to Jix?

Several reasons, the MAIN reason is because I know there are some people who won’t believe that I can finish Beatrix and may be hesitant to allow me to join if I force people to wait another three years to get the “rest of the story”. I have my own concerns.

Second, Inclusion. CAN I be a real member of Jix. I’ll try to explain.

Many if not most of the other members/authors have met each other, having attended at least one convention or small get-togethers. I’ve never been to a convention and don’t know if I ever will. Not that I wouldn’t love to, but the money, when you include travel, is just too much for me. Others get together on weekends, etc. Weekends…yes I used to have those. Anyway, I’ve been included in a couple small things, but very few and none recently. Sigh.

Even more of the other members/authors IM, chat or telephone each other. I don’t. I don’t have an IM name or anything and I don’t really chat. The regular chat time is Thursday evenings…when I have book club, teach Master Planner classes and of course two Thursdays a month start the day around 5:30 AM. When I AM home at chat time (9:00) I’m usually too brain dead to “chat”.

I’m old enough to be some Jix people’s mother…ahem well their aunt! I sometimes wonder what the heck an old hag like me is doing…We share Trixie but what else? That only contributes to my feelings of exclusion.

SO, sometimes I feel like I’m intruding in conversations between people who know each other in REAL LIFE, not just online. I know some people have stopped visiting the sites etc. because they felt slighted. At least one was ugly about it. I have never felt that strongly of course, but… I know a big part of my feeling left out is MY doing…because I don’t participate more. Period. If I were more involved, I’m sure I’d feel more included. Most of the Jix people are incredibly open, warm etc. but they ARE human.

Anyway, I love reading the fan fic. I’ve only read one or two stories (and I don’t think any of them were at Jix) that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy, but even those that aren’t as well written fascinate me because I’m reading about my beloved Bob-Whites and how someone else sees them AND some of the stories are absolutely incredible. It’s been said by others, but I totally concur that some of the stories are better than some of the “original” 39. I’d love to get some real feedback from the other writers and I’d love to have at least one of mine included in that list. HAH. Wouldn’t that be a kicker? But it will never happen unless I write and then SHARE my writings.

So I submitted an application to Jix.

We’ll see what happens.

Now, back to work. :(